CATEGORICAL COMPASSION
Summit UU Fellowship
Rev. Kathleen Green
From the blog of Sister Kathryn Knoll of Oregon:
“I watched quietly over the months she lived next door to our little shop, observing her comings and goings. Single mothers have a lot to contend with and she seemed to do her best to give her little son a happy, safe home. She kept to herself, so I never heard her story. As each of the holidays approached she did her best to decorate and celebrate with her child. She had Halloween decorations which ended up blowing into the bushes. For a while, there was a king sized mattress and box springs with a "free" sign on it parked outside the door. I worried that all the rain coming down would make it unsuitable for anyone to sleep on. I found myself entertaining little "ninja thoughts," ok, they were judgments, about how trashy things were looking around her door. She bravely tried to decorate for Christmas putting little snow flake decorations in the tree in front and somehow the tree didn't look as sad and lonely as the little house appeared. One day, about two weeks ago she very quickly moved out, leaving unwanted "free" things in little stacks under the tree. As one wind storm after another blew in, these little stacks of cups and saucers, a coffee maker and other "left-behinds" began to become broken, unsightly and trashed. Each day I became more and more focused on the trash, and less and less compassionate towards the one who had left in such a hurry. Finally, this morning as I sat in my parked car beside the curb and very near the mess, I found myself praying a silent prayer for the whole, sad scene, both outside and within. In the quiet of that moment I heard the words loud and clear form in my heart-space: "Kathryn, what would Love do?" Instantly I knew what needed to be done. I donned a pair of work gloves I had in my car and got a black plastic bag and cleaned up the whole area. With each shattered piece of glass, tea cup shard and half buried Halloween decoration, I drew a heart around this lonely little place and around the dear soul who had last lived there. I knew the best and only right thing I could do was help a neighbor in need do what needed to be done, that she herself was, for whatever reason, unable to do. I found waves of love go out from me and surround this place. A little beauty wanted to blossom where Love had created a space.
I am in gratitude for all the ways I have been supported through the hard things I have had to do in my life. I realized I could give back, to someone else who may have needed just a little more support than she had. I just hope the next time there is an opportunity to reach out with compassion action, it doesn't take me so long to get a clue...”
Compassion: from 2 Latin words meaning “to suffer with”
This is a popular word in today’s society – compassionate conservatism; a key virtue in character education programs in our schools; a mantra for a plethora of social activist groups. We hear it so much I’m not sure there’s much ‘passion’ left in compassion.
Categorical: uncompromising (no willingness to back down); explicit
This is a strong word, often used to emphasize a negative – a categorical liar, categorically evil.
Put the two together - categorical compassion – and we describe a form of compassion that I think is difficult to practice and live, but is possible and necessary to our lives as members of a beloved community. It is what I like to think of as an evolved compassion – goes beyond the usual definition of kindness and the “feel good” morality it might inspire. Categorical compassion requires intense and intentional practice. It implies an uncompromising and explicit empathy. The more I study the idea and try myself to practice it, the more I believe that as religious or spiritual people we are called to affirm, promote, and live the challenge of categorical compassion. Not called by any particular sacred text though the Golden Rule can be found in some form in the sacred writings of nearly all of the world’s great religions. Not called by any specific enlightened teacher, though Jesus and Buddha and Krishna and a host of others spent their lives teaching compassion. We are quite simply called by our highest selves to this difficult task. We are called by the very best within us, by the spark of Divine within each of us to a compassion that is profoundly empathetic.
Let’s look first at the basics of compassion. Throughout the world’s great religions, compassion is a common theme. The eastern religions hold it as central. One of the essential virtues of Buddhism is karuna, understanding and identifying with the suffering of all living beings. Karuna is the reason that some people who achieve enlightenment return to this world as Bodhisattvas to teach others. Their compassion is so great, they return to a world that needs them. In Hinduism, compassion is called daya, and, along with charity and self-control, it is one of the three central virtues in Hinduism. The Three Jewels to be sought in Taoism are compassion, moderation and humility.
A Western Buddhist woman was in India, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw-like carriage, when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher so. She asked him what she should have done - what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response.
The teacher said very simply, "You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella."
Nobody gets it easy in life. Different people have different kinds of problems, regardless of their stations and circumstances in life.
Compassion comes from an amazing ability that human beings have to feel empathy. You see something and are able to feel it in your heart and soul.
In this place, each week, we share our joys and sorrows with each other. We hear the pain, we hear the sorrow, we hear the concern, we hear the joy and we are able to feel all of it. If we allow our hearts and souls to open wide enough, we are able to not just hear it, but to feel it all. We share in order to feel a closeness with one another, in order to be heard, in order to be felt, in order to empathize.
Our empathy will automatically expand when we realize that we are all one. Anyone who comes before you is, in a sense, a part of you. Their joy is your joy, their pain your pain, your compassion for them is compassion for yourself.
The key to developing compassion in our lives is to make it a daily practice.
Meditate upon it in the morning (you can do it while checking email!), think about it when you interact with others, and reflect on it at night. In this way, it becomes a part of your life. The Dalai Lama said, “This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”
For the scientists among us, I’m happy to report that there are scientific studies that suggest there are physical benefits to practicing compassion — people who practice it produce 100 percent more DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone), which is a hormone that counteracts the aging process, and 23 percent less cortisol — the “stress hormone.”
Compassion for the suffering of others also helps us to learn the lessons of our own challenges.
Our Coming of Age Youth are out on a scavenger hunt today, in the neighborhood. I had a chance to see the list of items they have to find and one is to garner a signature from a stranger who witnesses them in an act of kindness. I can’t wait to hear about that one. Do you remember when the phrase “random acts of kindness” became the rage?......
When I began contemplating this idea of CC, it arose out of an observation that most of us are pretty good at affirming and promoting the 3rd principle & purpose: justice, equity, and compassion for all, as it relates to ‘others’ or even ‘strangers’. It wasn’t difficult for me to leave the cashier at my favorite local coffee stop an extra $1 to buy a cup for the next in line, every Friday. It was a nice gesture and gave some people a lift in their day and put a smile on some faces.
Categorical compassion goes beyond the random acts of kindness we would show to strangers - random acts of kindness, and not so random acts as well, that are admirable, inspirational, and no less important in our community. Categorical compassion has more to do with how we choose to be in our relationships – with the people in our daily lives, or those we may not see daily but regularly. It is about intentionality. But when it comes to those people in our every day lives, some of whom we find it hard to be around or difficult to understand, that 3rd principle presents a challenge. Some of us have complicated and thorny people at work, in our families, and even in our religious community. Let’s face it, there are some people in our lives who can at times drive us crazy.
By practicing categorical compassion we do not assume to have all the answers. Life overflows with contradictions, and as brilliant as we are, as rational as we are, there are just some things we do not understand. Categorical Compassion asks us to be wise enough to acknowledge our limitations and strong enough to say “I don’t have to have all the answers in order to have compassion.”
Categorical Compassion is a deeper level of compassion, an evolved compassion if you will, that doesn’t come easy but is sorely needed in our lives and in our relationships.
Categorical Compassion doesn’t mean excusing behaviors, but it doesn’t have to solve, fix, assign blame, or change. We speak our truth but with uncompromising compassion, meaning we first suffer with. This is the challenge I am speaking of. We stop our chatter, our desire to solve the problem, and we open our hearts and souls to suffer with. In order to “suffer with” we recognize the commonalities. Who here has not at some time in their life grieved a loss? Who here has not at some time felt confused or anxious? Who here has not at some time been consumed with anger? Who here has not felt deep pain or sorrow? And who here has not desired happiness? At the root of it all, we are all human beings that need food, and shelter, and love. We crave attention, and recognition, and affection, and above all, happiness. So we begin categorical compassion by intentionally quieting and opening our minds; reflecting on the commonalities:
1. Step 1: “Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.”
2. Step 2: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
3. Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”
4. Step 4: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”
5. Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”
Are you willing to feel the pain of others and in the process feel your own pain? It will be a struggle for most of us – it has been and continues to be so for me. We can struggle with the idea, and practice categorical compassion together. We can know we are not alone. We can answer the call of our highest and best selves. We can travel the path of compassion in order to touch the Divine within, among, and beyond.
May it be so.
